Posted by admin | Posted in outdoor toys | Posted on 01-08-2009
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Shot Bouncer
A Few Bar And Nightclub Jokes
Having a boring day at the office or at uni, daydreaming about which bars or nightclubs you will be heading to this weekend? If so here is a few bar and nightclub jokes to break up the mediocrity of the daily grind.
1. A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 5 double shots. The bartender, a little surprised lines up the glasses and pours them out, assuming his mates are just round the corner. The man then, calm as a coma, knocks each shot back one after the other. The bartenders, amazed by this feat of drinking turns to the man and goes "that's a big effort." The man replies "you would drink quickly too if you had what I've got." Curiously the bartender asks "what have you got mate" to which the man replies "no money."
2. A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink and asks the bartender how much? The bartender replies "no charge"
3. A man, after having 27 drinks at a nightclub decides to head home, grabs his car keys and heads to the car park. Struggling to walk, he finally gets to his car, takes him 3 goes to get the keys into the ignition, reverses into the car park wall and drives straight through the boom gate. Realising his wife is at home waiting for him, a decides to drive as fast as possible, swerving across the road erratically. A police car see's this and pulls him over. The copper asks the man "mate do you know how fast you were going?" The man replies "How the would I know, I've just had 27 drinks."
4. A rabbi, a sheik and a priest all walk into a bar together holding hands singing "hari-krishna." The bartender says to them "what is this some kind of bad joke?"
5. A penguin walks into a bar and with a sense of urgency asks the bar man "sir have you seen my brother, he's missing and I can't find him" to which the bar man replies "what does he look like?"
6. A man walks into a bar, and furiously yells "all bouncer's are assholes!!!" A man at the end of the bar stands up, slams his drink on the bar and yells "you better take that back." Shocked, the man says "why, are you a bouncer?" to which he replies "no… I'm an asshole."
7. A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers. At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes. Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and drives off. When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test.
The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0. The cop says, How is this possible? The guy says "I'm the designated decoy"
About the Author
Australia's best and biggest Bar & Nightclub directory servicing all major Australian cities. We offer extensive bar and nightclub information and identify the most popular venues for each city. For more information, visit Bars
calling all michigan answerers?
ok i have this posted in a few other catagories, hopefully someone can help. i am adopted and need to find my birthfather. my 4 year old son has developed a medical condition and it may be genetic. i have to find him.
his name is james richard burton. born 1951 (56 years old), vietnam vet with a purple heart. raised in westland, garden city area. also think he has lived in howell and redford. i believe he was a bouncer several years ago. siblings names are diane, norm, dave and denny. there may be more, im not sure.
i did all the online search things, but they all want money for the results, i simply dont have the money right now.
does this sound familiar to anyone? i know its a long shot, but i need your help. thanks in advance
thanks tink. i appreciate it more than you will ever know. ♥♥♥
i have 2 phone numbers for a J Burton. one is in Redford. i'm not going to post them where everyone can see them, and i see you don't allow e-mail. if you're interested in the numbers, e-mail me back.
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